Peridot's Quest for the Spit Elixir
by azarathianscribbles
Summary: Steven's spit healed Lapis' cracked gem and Connie's vision, but can it fix Peridot's broken tablet? To find out, Peridot must first find Steven, with the help of some humans.


**My first fic for my new love, Steven Universe, which I do not own. Probably worth mentioning that Peridot's love for ketchup is inspired by Starfire's love of mustard.**

* * *

"I seem to have miscalculated."

Peridot peered over the edge of the barn roof at her tablet, which lay visibly broken on the ground. It seemed she would need a replacement-replacement screen. Regret welled up in her – she had become fond of, even dependent on, the device. In retrospect, using something so valuable to practice her metal bending was a mistake, but if Peridot had learned one lesson during her time on Earth it was that mistakes could be learned from.

She scrambled back up the slant of the barn's roof, jumping into the suspended truck when she reached the peak. Surprised, Lapis looked up from season six of _Camp Pining Hearts._

"Did it work?"

"Negative. I miscalculated the velocity of an object pulled by Earth's gravity, and was unable to react quickly enough to catch my screen," Peridot reported.

"Is it broken? Earth technology isn't particularly durable."

"Yes, it is damaged." Peridot sighed, rubbing her visor in frustration.

Lapis paused the tape, looking Peridot in the eyes for the first time. "Steven was able to heal my cracked gem. I'm sure he can fix your tablet."

"Great idea, Lazuli! I just have to find Steven. I'll see you later. You'll be okay, right?" Not even waiting for an answer, Peridot crawled over the side of the truck bed and dropped to the ground. She scooped up her screen, cradling it like a baby, and ran to the nearest warp pad.

* * *

Before the glow of the warp fully faded, Peridot had located all three of the Crystal Gems and given them a brief status update. Steven, however, was nowhere to be found.

"He went to Connie's house to celebrate the release of a new book in the _Unfamiliar Familiar_ series," Pearl told her, running her finger along the jagged crack in the tablet's surface.

"That's fine! What are the coordinates of this 'Connie's House'?"

Amethyst chuckled. "How are we supposed to know, Peri?"

"She's right," Pearl said. "Connie comes to us for sword training, so we've never been to her home. When we met her parents, we were at a restaurant."

"Perfect," Peridot muttered, gritting her teeth in frustration. She tugged the tablet away from Pearl and scurried out the door.

"Ya think we should've told her to find Greg?" Amethyst asked.

"Peridot will find her way to Connie and Steven eventually. Besides, this way, she'll have to work it out for herself." At Garnet's words, the other gems nodded.

* * *

At the Big Donut, Peridot froze in the doorway when she heard the short human and tall human bickering loudly. She backed away and continued on her quest for Steven.

As she hurried past Fryman's, Peedee called out to her.

"Hey! Aren't you one of Steven's magical friends?"

Peridot snorted in disdain. "They—we—are hardly magical." She nearly left before realizing the small human could probably help her find Steven.

"Hey! You haven't happened to see Steven, have you? I'm supposed to locate him for, ummm, a mission! Yes, a mission."

Peedee raised an eyebrow. "What sort of mission?"

Peridot nearly threw a tantrum. How dare a mere human question her, a certified Kindergartener, the peridot who had dared to insult a diamond. He was a mere pebble beneath her gravity-connectors. She stalked toward the service window and jabbed at Peedee's chest with her touch-stump. "Classified, human. All you need to know is that it's of critical importance."

Peedee was unimpressed by her attempt to look menacing. "You broke your tablet, didn't you?"

Peridot's jaw dropped. "How did you know?"

The child pointed to her cracked screen. Peridot groaned in response and ran her hands through her hair. "Just tell me how to get to him."

Peedee looked underwhelmed yet again, so she added, "Please."

"I don't know the way to Connie's house. But I'll make you a deal. You buy and eat some actual fries, not just the bits, and I'll point you to someone who does."

Peridot grimaced. "I don't need to eat, human."

"Amethyst definitely likes it," he shrugged, "so it won't kill you to try. Anyway, that's my condition for helping. Take it or leave it."

She scowled at him and nearly launched into a spiel on the different types of gems having different preferences, but, recognizing that any time she wasted was time apart from her tablet, grudgingly produced the necessary Earth currency and dropped it on the counter, forcing Peedee to scramble to gather it. Watching him struggle, her lips quirked into a vindicated smile. He retreated to the fryer, scooping the deep fried potato slices into a cardboard dish and pumping a red substance (Peridot thought it was called 'ketchup') on top of them before presenting the finished product to her.

Her touch-stumps quivered as she plucked one from the container. Peridot's scent-sponge wrinkled when she saw a stain on the cardboard, indicating the fries were full of lipids. Potatoes didn't even sound appetizing; her screen had informed her they grew in the ground. Then again, so did gems. Maybe eating potatoes wouldn't be so bad. The fry's scent wafted toward her, starchy and warm. Peridot plugged her scent-sponge and daintily placed it on her tongue.

The fry tasted just like it smelled, with salt added. It was the ketchup that surprised Peridot; because of the color she had expected the metallic-salty taste of blood, but it was slightly sweet. Her vision spheres widened, and she hurriedly grabbed another, smothered it in ketchup, and took a bite.

"You know," she announced through her chewed food, "the fries are okay, but this ketchup is delectable!"

Peridot chewed and slurped her way through the remainder of the fries before refilling her dish with ketchup. She fixed Peedee in a glare.

"Thank you for introducing me to Earthling cuisine. Can you please lead me to Steven now?"

He grinned and jerked his thumb in the direction of the car wash. "I'd betcha Greg knows where Connie's house is. He drives Steven there most days."

Peridot cocked her head to the side. "Who is Greg?"

"Steven's dad," Peedee deadpanned, "the one who fell in love with the magical pink lady, who was the leader of you rock people my brother is obsessed with."

"Again, we're not magic. Our bodies are simply manifestations of light," Peridot said, disappointed. Why couldn't this human grasp such a basic concept? Also, what was a brother? She shook her head. So much of Earth culture still eluded her, and her tablet had informed her that it wasn't even homogenous like gem culture was.

"Whatever."

"Thank you." With that, Peridot hurried toward the blinking car wash sign, dipping a touch-stump in the ketchup and licking it clean.

She arrived at the decrepit building, but Steven's father was nowhere to be seen. Then, she spotted a brightly colored van with the words 'Mr. Universe' inscribed on the side in loopy lettering that reminded her of _Camp Pining Hearts._ Peridot squared her shoulders and rapped her knuckles against the door, wincing slightly at the loud clanging it produced. She recoiled at the sound of footsteps from inside the van, murmuring a status report out of habit.

The vehicle's rear doors flew open, revealing the male human Peridot now knew to be Steven's father. He seemed confused by her presence, and defensive, which she acknowledged was a reasonable response to their first encounter.

"Ahem," she cleared her throat, "I apologize for forcefully removing your gravity connectors from the roof of the barn. As Garnet said, I didn't know better at the time. I was performing an experiment to see if all organic life possesses flight capabilities, but my hypothesis was proven wrong and you were nearly hurt in the process. I would hate to have damaged the wise human who taught Steven about rain."

Greg blinked several times and ran his touch-stumps through his hair, chuckling sheepishly. "Hey, Peridot. Don't worry about it! Like you said, you're learning, and since Garnet used her future vision to catch me, nothing bad happened. I doubt you came here only to apologize, though. What's up?"

Peridot rapidly filled him in on her dilemma, beginning with the discovery of her metal powers. She felt a trickle of pride when his vision spheres widened at her defeat of the corrupted Jasper. Her narration continued for the next several moments, and she appreciated the way Greg stayed focused on her throughout. He nodded thoughtfully when she finished, clearly understanding her need for Steven. It was her turn to be surprised when he knelt and placed a hand on her shoulder. Her face darkened in embarrassment at the contact. Funny how that had only started happening since she'd settled on Earth.

"You of all people should know that Steven's powers don't always work," Greg solemnly stated, "So if it turns out he can't fix it, I'll buy you a new tablet."

Peridot nodded gratefully and thanked him. So Steven's kindness originated with this human man. However much the Crystal Gems proclaimed Rose Quartz' love for all living creatures, Peridot couldn't help but view her as the skilled tactician who shattered Pink Diamond. Her instincts told her that gem was at Rose's core, even if the others chose to believe something else. Steven's mother was a general, even if she was a just one, that left his father to teach him empathy and something the internet called 'human decency'. Peridot's theory was only confirmed by the fact that Rose had ceased to fully exist when Steven was born. How could an absentee parent teach her child anything?

She shook herself, coming back to Earth (at least she thought that was the phrase Earthlings used, though it made no sense to compare space to the mind), and followed Greg to the front seat of the van, jumping to clamber into it. She ignored the safety restraints, responding to Greg's patronizing look with, "I don't poof easily."

"I don't care," he responded, "The van doesn't move until you're fastened in."

With a Herculean effort, Peridot managed to avoid snapping at him. To hide her frustration, she turned toward the seat belt and focused on it until the buckle clicked.

Greg smiled at her and gave a thumbs up. Humans, Peridot realized, could be placated so easily that it was best to just go along with what they said. The pair rode in silence for a few minutes before Peridot realized her mistake—she had failed to engage in the 'small talk' that was for some reason necessary to start human interactions.

"So…. Erm… How is life at the carwash?" Peridot internally winced as she spoke, not remotely interested in Greg's reply.

Greg seemed to pick up on her apathy, because he simply nodded and refocused his attention on the road.

"Log Date 7204. I attempted to engage in small talk with Steven's father. Success? Negative," Peridot muttered under her breath.

She must've spoken louder than she realized, because Greg laughed out loud. "Peri," he said, "I hope I can call you that, we're friends. You don't have to exchange pleasantries with me. Talk about whatever you want."

Peridot nodded, confused but pleased that she had gained a new companion, her first human one, in Greg. "Well, Mr. Universe, I'm going to ask you something I've wondered for quite some time. Unlike Amethyst, Steven is clearly not a Kindergartener, he's some sort of hybrid. How was he made? My research on your Internet has yielded some results, such as the word 'love' and an explanation of the lip contact ritual I know from _Camp Pining Hearts._ The true answer, though, still eludes me."

In her eagerness to learn, Peridot failed to notice Greg's stricken expression. "What did Steven tell you?" he asked tentatively.

"Steven said that it was a story he liked to call the 'Ballad of Rose and Greg'. My research into this dance form has yielded negligible results," Peridot admitted.

Greg snickered, causing her to look at him in confusion. Had she broken an Earth custom or crossed some sort of line? He gave no indication of her misstep whatsoever, leaving Peridot to be swamped with insecurities.

"Sounds like Steven, doesn't it?" With that unassuming phrase, Peridot's fears abated and she relaxed into the plushy seat.

"Peri, I'm glad you came to me with this question, because I can answer it much better than the Internet. Garnet told me you understand why she's a fusion, right? Well, Rose and I loved each other just like Ruby and Sapphire do, just like Percy and Pierre. Steven is the physical manifestation of our love, much like Garnet is the manifestation of Ruby and Sapphire's love."

"The technicalities of the process are unclear to me," Peridot quipped, causing Greg's already-sunburnt face to flush even redder.

"Ummmmm…. Errr… Well, you see… Ah! We're here. Go get 'em, tiger."

"I'm not a tiger, and unlike Amethyst, I wouldn't use my shapeshifting powers for my own amusement," she said, opening the van door and hopping out. Greg merely waved her towards the door of the townhouse. She knocked three times, hoping for the Diamonds' luck before remembering she was a Crystal Gem.

A female human around her size with glasses, caramel skin, and dark frizzy hair opened the door, then immediately shut it. From inside, Peridot heard her ask someone, "Is that her?" Then, the door was flung open to reveal the now-beaming girl, who took Peridot's hand in both of hers and shook excitedly.

"You must be Peridot! I'm Connie Maheswaren, best friend and knight of Steven Quartz Universe. I've heard so much about you; it's a pleasure to finally get to meet you."

Peridot's mind clicked into place. No wonder the name Connie sounded so familiar, this was the human who had fused with Steven to form the mighty warrior, Stevonnie. "Please, the pleasure's all mine, Connie." Steven had joined them in the doorway, and she waggled her eyebrows at him to see if he was impressed by her manners. He gave her a tiny thumbs-up in response.

"What's up, P-dot?" Steven interjected. She presented the tablet to him and explained how she had broken it, finishing with a request that he use his healing spit to fix it. He obliged, licking all along its cracked surface. When he returned it to her, she gasped at the now-fixed screen and did her best to ignore the stickiness of his saliva against her touch-stumps. Connie invited her inside, determined to introduce Peridot to important Earth culture like _The Unfamiliar Familiar_ and Dogcopter. As the new friends laughed together, Peridot made a mental note to thank Lapis for suggesting she find Steven.

"Log Date 7204. I successfully interacted with humans and learned more about their culture."


End file.
